CHEMISTRY OR COMPATIBILITY?

That is the question...

This is a conversation that comes up often. However, my impression is that most people don't realize its what they're talking about or at least might not name it this way. It usually comes up when people are talking about why a relationship didn't work or why they are questioning a current one.

I have to say that majority of people I've encountered in person or even in the online world lean toward the Compatibility side of things. What I mean is they place more value on things like lifestyle. For example, must love dogs or hiking or fitness, etc. Now I'm not saying this is bad I even talk about this a little in the Epilogue of my Book. Of course there has to be some level of compatibility like drug use for me that's a big one I know I could not be in a relationship with someone who does serious drugs or likely even not so serious ones. But that's another discussion and we're not here to talk about me.

However, I will say that I dare to belong to a school of thought that believes;

Compatibility as the cornerstone of a relationship is a myth."

That may sound extreme or crazy talk given that most people in my experience base their relationships on compatibility. The reason is that we change and grow and things that we value do the same (Chapter 4 in the Book). This means a couple things;

1. In order to sustain it - both people have to change and grow (rarely happens at same pace)

2. Sometimes people grow to love/dislike things they would have never anticipated

Ultimately, we can't change/grow for the sake of someone else because that is cancer for a relationship long term (in my opinion). We can learn to embrace and even love things because of someone we love though and that is different. Things Parents do for Children is the biggest example but a lot of Spouses or Partners end up doing the same successfully without losing their Self in it.

On the flip side, I believe people are often scared to let Chemistry lead the way. I say this because Chemistry can be easily attributed to merely Physical Attraction or Infatuation which, actually changes our brain chemistry and makes us kind of crazy at first! However, when I say Chemistry on a simple level I mean - looking forward to seeing that person because it makes you smile, they add joy to your life and you enjoy just being with them no matter what you're doing.

Sure this often extends to the physical at least for me, I can definitely say I am drawn to the "sensual" like their sweet smell, or the softness of their skin, or maybe how their eyes light up when they smile that makes smiling contagious. But it is also about personality; do they inspire me, does our conversation go deeper than the surface, is it forced, can we disagree respectfully, can we laugh together, can they take a joke even, etc. etc. I'm sure you have your own things to fill in here!

So as I mention in the Book, I am reserving the entire next Book for Love & Spirituality because it needs its own Book not just a chapter. Fittingly, we can only touch on the topic today as part of that bigger picture of Love...Since this is the last Blog of February on Love & Romance I just want to leave us with these questions;

What do I really value more Chemistry or Compatibility if I had to pick one?

Can (healthy) Compatibility grow into a relationship if not ideally there at first?

In my experience do I love a person stronger because of Chemistry or Compatibility?

What things do I really put on the top of my list for both of these since they are both important...

Does the physical, emotional or intellectual lead the way?

Does lifestyle, choice of work, or belief systems top my list?

Above all else, if we can know what really really matters to us at least right now (because it often changes*) then we can allow ourselves the freedom of Loving someone else truly fully!

I hope you go get the Book on Amazon and tell your friends & family!

Thank you for reading, commenting & sharing, see you next week.

Sincerely,

KK.

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